Laugh and the world laughs with you?

Christmas blues hit the High Street!

One thing the Great British Public haven't lost, thank goodness, is their sense of humour!

Strictly Come Dancing goes Strictly Political!

Who could possibly forget John Sergeant's Paso Doble? Or, for that matter, most of his other dances with the gorgeous Kristina Rihanoff over the past few weeks? I think it's a crying shame that he feels pressured to leave the competition after last weeks Results Show and a few nasty remarks made by the judges and the booted off competitor.

We watch John and Kristina because they make the show fun and entertaining. They prove that not only the young, good looking and fit can have fun learning to dance. We love Kristina's amazing choreographic skills that compensate for John's lack of dancing ability. Basically, the Great British Public love to watch someone like John go out there and do what many of us would secretly love to do if we only had the courage!

As for the judges saying that this is a dance competition, I dispute that! If the public's opinion wasn't wanted, then they shouldn't give us the opportunity to vote for our FAVOURITE celeb! This is as much about being a popularity contest as it is about the dancing - past shows have proved that when people like Julian Clary were voted back in show after show despite his poor dancing skills - even worse than John's I would say. If the celebs can't accept that they are not as popular as they perhaps thought, then they shouldn't put themselves up for a contest like this. If the judges are unhappy about a non-dancer getting through week after week, then they should change the nature of the show and not ask for public opinion.

A sad farewell to John Sergeant then - I think the show will loose much of its sparkle as a result of his decision to leave. Sure there are many better celebrity dancers still hanging in there but none as much fun nor as obviously popular with the public as John. Please watch the video clip as a Lasting Tribute to John Sergeant and the Incomparable Kristina Rihanoff - and enjoy!

(please excuse the size of the embedded video clip - I don't seem to be able to edit it!)

Oh the joys of working in a computer shop!

Being technologically challenged can be quite a handicap when working in a computer shop! Mind you, since many of my customers are no less challenged than myself, it can make for some interesting conversations and amusing moments.

Take a typical day in the life of Jayne! Customer walks in with a small piece of paper,

"The man next door who knows EVERYTHING about computers, tells me I need one of these?"
(hands over small piece of paper with random numbers and squiggles on it)
"Um . . . what exactly is the problem with your computer then?"
"Well, I'm not sure but the man next door says this will fix it!"
(grab paper and rush into back office, looking for help from First Born Son, who has NO idea of what the squiggles on paper are either and is on the telephone to important potential customer wanting to buy expensive new gaming computer!)
"I'm sorry but the technician suggests you might like to bring your computer in so we can have a look at it to ascertain the problem" (smiling politely)
"I already have the guy next door who says he can fix it!" (sounding a little peeved!) "I just need that part!"
"Perhaps you could get your man next door to phone us and describe the part he needs then? These squiggles don't really help us much. Do you know what part of the computer is broken?"
"It was making a funny noise."
"Ah! Could it be from the fan perhaps?"
"No, I don't have a fan!"
"Um, most computers do have a fan inside them."
"Oh well, I don't know about that - I'm not very computer savvy, but the man next door didn't say anything about a fan when he took the back off?"
"Tell you what! Here's my card - tell him to phone and I'll get one of the technicians to speak to him. Perhaps they can figure it out between them!" (gritting teeth and SMILING!)
"Well, I'll have to see what he says - he's very busy you know and I don't want to put him out!"

Turn to long line of other customers patiently waiting, smile and say, "May I help you?"

Seriously, it's fun and I've met some lovely people in the shop. Just wish we all knew what we were talking about?

Open Season on Shoplifters!

What a wonderful world we live in when some people seem to feel that they can just help themselves to your stuff. This week I had my first experience of shoplifters in our little computer shop - and very pissed off I am too!

What is even sadder is that we get so many very nice youngsters in the shop and now I find myself looking at them ALL with great suspicion thanks to a small group of out-of-control louts that don't deserve the oxygen they breathe!

What is wrong with parents today that they can't even teach their children a little respect - for themselves as well as for others?

Bah Humbug!

The Street that The Council Forgot!

I've never been a very political person. Generally I just 'go with the flow' and fit in. Moving to the UK has changed my somewhat passive approach to life as I begin to more fully understand (or in this case NOT understand!) the workings of British Bureaucracy. This particular incidence of British Bureaucracy has SO incensed me that I just have to MAKE A STATEMENT!

Some time back the East Sussex Council came up with a marvellous scheme to inflict a paid parking scheme on the sleepy little town of Eastbourne. Despite the protestations of both the Eastbourne City Council and the Residents, this scheme was pushed through to become a reality about a week ago. Now I could go on about all the inconveniences the scheme has brought to both the shop owners and workers in the town centre and the sudden drop in business that many small high street shops have been subject to since the scheme came into effect but I feel that as this matter has been sufficiently addressed over the past few months with no sensible result, I would rather stick to my own 'inconvenience'.

So . . . pass the soapbox please!

Several months ago the Jayne family moved into their own little bit of Heaven - a 1/9th share of a converted church to be exact. This church is in a RESIDENTIAL part of Eastbourne Town Centre - on the Street that The Council Forgot. When we moved in here about four months ago, we made a special trip to the local council to purchase a resident's parking permit that would allow us to park on the road outside our new home, only to be told that we didn't need to worry since the new parking scheme didn't affect our street. I suppose we should have been more suspicious at the time but, being a bit ignorant of local laws, we accepted what we were told and have been parking outside our new home in ignorant bliss ever since.

Hah! The very first day of the new rules and we got a parking ticket! As did EVERY single car in the street! Shock was soon followed by indignation. A quick check of the Council's web site showed an interesting state of affairs - our street is just outside their new parking area. It still carries a '2 hour, no return 2 hours' parking restriction and The Council refuses to sell us resident's parking permits because (wait for it) we don't fall into the new area. So far, despite several emails and even a direct visit to their offices, they seem unable to tell me where I can obtain such an item. In fact, they really don't care one iota for my troubles!

So I, and all the other street residents, are now left with one of two options. Either we park illegally and run the risk of £30 parking tickets or we rush out every two hours and move our cars to another street, only to return to our own one two hours later! Does no-one else see the ridiculousness of this situation? If we lived just one street over we'd be eligible for a permit!

Right now I feel very discriminated against! Is it yet another case of "all being equal, just some more so than others" or simple stupidity?

Bah Humbug!

The Mouse in my Garden - in technicolour!

Now I have found the photo the Girl Child took of our daily visitor, here he is, for your delight, in FULL TECHNICOLOUR! Enjoy :)

There's a mouse in my garden, a big one for sure!
I saw him tonight as I opened the door.
He looked right at me with eyes bright and bold,
As he nibbled on bread, thrown out of old.
We nodded politely and seemed to agree,
there was room in the garden for both him and me!

A cat jumped down off the garden fence,
It was large and white and on the offense.
I got quite a shock as it flew right by,
A blur of white that fell from the sky!
It really was the most dreadful sight,
And the mouse leapt up in a terrible fright,
Then the cat rushed forward and banged its head,
As the mouse scurried off and under the shed!

This morning, when I looked out the door,
first I saw one and then saw one more!
And then, as I reached for my tea,
I looked again and now there were three!
What seemed so appealing now seems so no more.
What if tomorrow I find there are FOUR?

This morning I woke with some trepidation,
stumbled downstairs in some hesitation.
As I switched on the kettle, I looked out to see,
only one, thank goodness, not four and not three!
And, if I am honest, I felt rather mean
as he looked right at me, "what, no bread to be seen?"

And then, peering over the roof of the shed,
was that a big, white, furry head?
Ears pricked with intent and whiskers aquiver?
I looked at the mouse and felt myself shiver!
I need not have worried, that's one clever mouse,
As he ran under the shed, I stepped back into the house!

No mouse this morning, I do feel bereft.
I imagine he's cross and so he has left.
He's packed up his bags and gathered his friends,
sadly it seems that here my tale ends!

Poor neglected blog.....

My poor neglected blog! I really do feel terribly guilty about it but somehow circumstances have dictated that I hardly ever get the chance to visit it, let alone write in it these days.

Take my efforts to get re-connected on my SKY Broadband since we moved into our new, now permanent home. Having given them official notice of intent to move home on the 1st August, I see we are now on the 6th September and STILL not connected! Technically, according to them, we were connected on the 21st August and I have been fighting with them ever since. I have NEVER known such a fiasco in my life, not even in my darkest internet days in Zambia, where they at least had a genuine reason for the poor connection - someone forgot to fill the generator up with diesel again! Here in this civilised part of the western world however, they seem incapable of finding the problem let alone fixing it. They also seem unable to answer a telephone, provide a service and use a phone to phone you back? I know there is quite a high rate of illiteracy in the UK but I would have expected Internet Technicians to be able to use a telephone at least?

As you can tell, my frustration levels are increasing daily with calls to Sky TV/Broadband being the most useless method of getting hold of someone who can actually fix a problem while costing a great deal of money in the process. Something that they really don't care about as they put you on hold, yet again, for hours on end. You think I am exaggerating? I timed my 'on hold' session yesterday morning - the phone line went dead after 58mins 12secs!

So far I have chatted with several friendly but hard to understand people in Mumbai. I have visited with many cheerful people in Northern Ireland and taken delight in talking to some very sympathetic people in Scotland BUT.....the bottom line is I STILL HAVE NO BROADBAND! I am in despair - I have no idea what to do next!

Any helpful (and legal!) suggestions would be welcomed!

Computers for the Confused!

My first brush with the 'personal computer' was an old 386 back in 1991. Being the part owner of a construction company (the part that did all the secretarial work!) that my husband had started a few years before, when it came time to retire my old electric typewriter he decided it really was time to get computerised. I fought long and hard - all I wanted was a fancy new electronic typewriter - but in the end, after being told that this new computer would DO everything, I capitulated and the 386 came to live in our office.

It was UGLY! It took up too much space and it just SAT there on my desk, staring blankly at me! I was told it 'did the books' and it 'typed letters'. It was supposed to be the beginning of the 'paperless office' and the ultimate time saver. I switched it on and little white letters and symbols floated about on a black screen - unintelligible gibberish and hard to read at that! I tried to type and it produced a string of gibberish and requests to 'press enter'?? After a week of this frustrating behaviour, I shoved it on the floor and retrieved my electric typewriter from the cupboard! And then, we employed a 'computer man' to tame the wild beast!

I did eventually come to understand the basics of MsDos and even managed to get to grips with letter typing but that really was about as far as it got. The First Born, on the other hand, had a strange affinity with this monstrous machine from the very beginning. He was only 10 or 11 when it arrived and it took him only a few short weeks to master it and there began his fascination and understanding of all things computer. He would spend hours after school programming it and changing settings and generally making sure his mother would have the hardest time getting into it the next morning when he was at school! We eventually came to an understanding - if he changed anything on it, he would have to put a 'post-it' on the screen with simple instructions on how to switch on and find my work. All was well until it blew itself up a couple of years later and into our lives came the mighty 486 Pentium.

Weren't we proud of our new baby? Along with this latest technology came Windows, WYSIWYG, mice and mousepads! It also came with a full colour monitor and lots of RAM, ROM, floppy drives, stiffy drives and (my personal favourite!) a place to plug a set of earphones in! I also remember having some fantastic programmes that I could print transfers for t/shirts with and a really great desktop publisher that could make columns and insert pictures. I felt technically rich beyond belief! I remember doing the in house magazine for our Arab Horse Society that year and what a pleasure it was compared to previous years. By then the First Born was a whizz with computers and had gone on to complete his City and Guilds certificates with flying colours to become a fully trained Computer Technician.

As I sit here typing this on my little laptop, it's hard to remember what a mission it was in the early days - how big the machines were and how little they were able to do! I suppose, if I were to think about, the speed with which new technology develops and grows is quite amazing and it is very hard to keep up sometimes. I like to think that I was a pioneer of earlier days!

And when it comes to understanding all this new technology, all I can say is - thank god for teenagers!

Ireverently Poetry!

Have you heard the world is flat?
So what do you think about that?
It could explain why no-one's here,
they fell off the edge, or so I fear!

And evolution never happened.
Darwin's theories? All flattened!
The dinosaurs, just one great joke,
Old bones buried to just confuse folk.

Our world created all new and sleek.
God must have been very bored that week!
Each perfect critter standing tall,
I'm amazed he had the time at all?

Each day when I crawl out of bed,
the sound of nature rings in my head.
Not so blind that I can not see,
Evolution working all around me!

The Mouse in My Garden

There's a mouse in my garden, a big one for sure!
I saw him tonight as I opened the door.
He looked right at me with eyes bright and bold,
As he nibbled on bread thrown out of old.
We nodded politely and seemed to agree,
there was room in the garden for both him and me!

A cat jumped down off the garden fence,
It was large and white and on the offense.
I got quite a shock as it flew right by,
A blurr of white that fell from the sky!
It really was the most dreadful sight,
And the mouse leapt up in a terrible fright,
Then the cat leapt forward and banged its head,
As the mouse scurried off and under the shed!

This morning, when I looked out the door,
first I saw one and then saw one more!
And then, as I reached for my tea,
I looked again and now there were three!
What seemed so appealing now seems no more.
What if tomorrow I find there are FOUR??

This morning I woke with some trepidation,
and stumbled downstairs in some hesitation.
As I switched on the kettle and looked out to see,
only one, thank goodness, not four and not three!
And if I am honest, I felt rather mean
as he looked right at me, "what, no bread to be seen?"

And then, peering over the roof of the shed,
was that a big, white, furry head?
Ears pricked with intent and whiskers aquiver?
I looked at the mouse and felt myself shiver!
I need not have worried, that's one clever mouse,
As he ran under the shed, I stepped back into the house!

No mouse this morning, I do feel bereft.
I imagine he's cross and so he has left.
He's packed up his bags and gathered his friends,
sadly it seems that here my tale ends!