DELIGHTS OF CLEANING A FISHPOND!

For some strange and bizarre reason I decided to clean out the fishpond the Sunday before last. To be honest I'm not really much of a fish person and I'm only the 'owner' of two rather elusive goldfish due to the unfortunate circumstance of inheriting a fishpond, complete with fish, when we rented our current property a few months back.

The first thing I noticed when we moved in towards the end of a rather cold English winter was that the fish appeared to be dead and unmoving in the bottom of the conveniently placed pond, just outside the lounge window. I have to admit to being quite concerned about those dead fish until I was told by Mr Expert Who Lived Across the Road that this was normal behaviour for fish when the water temperature is below 4 degrees. Apparently Mr Expert had previously agreed with our landlord that he would take over the three Koi, leaving me with only three little goldfish to look after. Pffft! How hard could that be I thought?

Now I must tell you a little about Mr Expert - a delightful local chap who lives and breathes for his spectacular pond full of giant sized Koi fish. We got to know him quite well on his several visits to catch the Koi. He fondly became known as The Koi Man, a very friendly and effusive gentleman who seemed not to have developed much skill in netting fish. Rather strange considering his passion. After several unsuccessful but rather amusing attempts he eventually brought a friend, Mr Jolly Expert Fish Catcher from Down the Road, to help him and soon the deed was done and the Koi went gratefully off to a new and better place. This left me with three extremely paranoid goldfish who had not taken very well to be chased round the fishpond in mistaken identity!

With the warmer weather came the delightful green algae - it blossomed and grew in joyful abundance. No amount of skimming the pond and scraping its sides could keep it at bay. It bubbled and frothed and bunged up the filter, it settled in great green globs around the reeds and took on a life of its own. It was truly a fearful sight (to say nothing of the smell that began to intrude into the lounge!). Hence the decision that fateful day to clean out the fishpond.

I decided that as I hadn't actually seen the fish for at least a week or two, the easiest thing would be to start pumping out the water and only catch them when the water was low enough to make visibility a reality. Thus is was only several hours later that I realised I only had two fish in the pond! I'm still baffled - a passing seagull perhaps? Needless to say, the goldfish were even more paranoid than normal as I hurtled around the pond in my attempts to catch them. They ducked, I dived, they dashed, I slipped - on my butt! Cold water, green slime - what better way to spend a Sunday? By now the whole family had come outside to join in the fun with shouts of encouragement and proffered helpful advice. I was less than amused which probably explains why they all disappeared back inside once the fish were safely placed into a bucket where they immediately sank to the bottom in a giant sulk.

Seems it was to fall to me to finish bailing out the last of the slimy water. It seemed appropriate I suppose since I was already pretty green and smelly anyway by this stage! Much scrubbing and dubbing later and filled with beautiful crystal clear water, the pond was a delight to behold by the time I'd finished. I even rushed off to the Fish and Pond Place down the road to buy a very expensive water lily in celebration.

For three days I continued to beam with pride. On the fourth day I noticed it looked a little cloudy and zapped it with a dose of 'Kill the Algae but save the Planet' powder that I'd been sold when I bought the water lily. By the sixth day it looked like pea soup and on the seventh day? I gave up and threw more fish food in. Even the water lily looks as if it's decided to expire in disgust.

But....at least the fish are happy!

AND . . . this is the reason that I insisted on buying an apartment in my 1/9th of a converted church with only a small, paved courtyard and absolutely NO room for a pony!

lol

Jayne :)

Driftwood Horses

So clever and beautiful, I just had to share this astonishing artform with you!
Apologies - seems my link to the news article went to a strange and weird place - aren't computers the pits?? I have repaired it - you are all too kind not to have mentioned it! LOL

Laugh and the world laughs with you?

Christmas blues hit the High Street!

One thing the Great British Public haven't lost, thank goodness, is their sense of humour!

Strictly Come Dancing goes Strictly Political!

Who could possibly forget John Sergeant's Paso Doble? Or, for that matter, most of his other dances with the gorgeous Kristina Rihanoff over the past few weeks? I think it's a crying shame that he feels pressured to leave the competition after last weeks Results Show and a few nasty remarks made by the judges and the booted off competitor.

We watch John and Kristina because they make the show fun and entertaining. They prove that not only the young, good looking and fit can have fun learning to dance. We love Kristina's amazing choreographic skills that compensate for John's lack of dancing ability. Basically, the Great British Public love to watch someone like John go out there and do what many of us would secretly love to do if we only had the courage!

As for the judges saying that this is a dance competition, I dispute that! If the public's opinion wasn't wanted, then they shouldn't give us the opportunity to vote for our FAVOURITE celeb! This is as much about being a popularity contest as it is about the dancing - past shows have proved that when people like Julian Clary were voted back in show after show despite his poor dancing skills - even worse than John's I would say. If the celebs can't accept that they are not as popular as they perhaps thought, then they shouldn't put themselves up for a contest like this. If the judges are unhappy about a non-dancer getting through week after week, then they should change the nature of the show and not ask for public opinion.

A sad farewell to John Sergeant then - I think the show will loose much of its sparkle as a result of his decision to leave. Sure there are many better celebrity dancers still hanging in there but none as much fun nor as obviously popular with the public as John. Please watch the video clip as a Lasting Tribute to John Sergeant and the Incomparable Kristina Rihanoff - and enjoy!

(please excuse the size of the embedded video clip - I don't seem to be able to edit it!)

Oh the joys of working in a computer shop!

Being technologically challenged can be quite a handicap when working in a computer shop! Mind you, since many of my customers are no less challenged than myself, it can make for some interesting conversations and amusing moments.

Take a typical day in the life of Jayne! Customer walks in with a small piece of paper,

"The man next door who knows EVERYTHING about computers, tells me I need one of these?"
(hands over small piece of paper with random numbers and squiggles on it)
"Um . . . what exactly is the problem with your computer then?"
"Well, I'm not sure but the man next door says this will fix it!"
(grab paper and rush into back office, looking for help from First Born Son, who has NO idea of what the squiggles on paper are either and is on the telephone to important potential customer wanting to buy expensive new gaming computer!)
"I'm sorry but the technician suggests you might like to bring your computer in so we can have a look at it to ascertain the problem" (smiling politely)
"I already have the guy next door who says he can fix it!" (sounding a little peeved!) "I just need that part!"
"Perhaps you could get your man next door to phone us and describe the part he needs then? These squiggles don't really help us much. Do you know what part of the computer is broken?"
"It was making a funny noise."
"Ah! Could it be from the fan perhaps?"
"No, I don't have a fan!"
"Um, most computers do have a fan inside them."
"Oh well, I don't know about that - I'm not very computer savvy, but the man next door didn't say anything about a fan when he took the back off?"
"Tell you what! Here's my card - tell him to phone and I'll get one of the technicians to speak to him. Perhaps they can figure it out between them!" (gritting teeth and SMILING!)
"Well, I'll have to see what he says - he's very busy you know and I don't want to put him out!"

Turn to long line of other customers patiently waiting, smile and say, "May I help you?"

Seriously, it's fun and I've met some lovely people in the shop. Just wish we all knew what we were talking about?

Man shocked at being run over by OAP!

Well here's something I found in our local rag that I thought might amuse you too.

Seems all this poor guy was doing was taking his dogs for a walk to the shops when a lunatic OAP (aged 89) ran him over! Obviously not only sight impaired but also hearing impaired, this 'hit and run' old gent calmly parked his car and went shopping while his victim lay groaning on the road with various broken bones, leaving bemused passersby to call an ambulance!

Police have not prosecuted as the OAP has voluntarily given up his driver's licence since the incident!

Open Season on Shoplifters!

What a wonderful world we live in when some people seem to feel that they can just help themselves to your stuff. This week I had my first experience of shoplifters in our little computer shop - and very pissed off I am too!

What is even sadder is that we get so many very nice youngsters in the shop and now I find myself looking at them ALL with great suspicion thanks to a small group of out-of-control louts that don't deserve the oxygen they breathe!

What is wrong with parents today that they can't even teach their children a little respect - for themselves as well as for others?

Bah Humbug!

I Dream of Africa

Some time ago I left my home,
far away in the African sun.
I boarded a plane for a foreign land,
my new life had begun.

But still some nights as I drift away,
I hear a cricket's call.
My mind wanders off to another place.
to Acacia trees, proud and tall.

I dream of my home in Africa,
of a place so wild and free.
I remember well my garden,
in the shade of the giant fig tree.

It's not that I regret my new life,
or wish to be somewhere else.
It's just that I dream of Africa,
of a wild and untamed place.

The Street that The Council Forgot!

I've never been a very political person. Generally I just 'go with the flow' and fit in. Moving to the UK has changed my somewhat passive approach to life as I begin to more fully understand (or in this case NOT understand!) the workings of British Bureaucracy. This particular incidence of British Bureaucracy has SO incensed me that I just have to MAKE A STATEMENT!

Some time back the East Sussex Council came up with a marvellous scheme to inflict a paid parking scheme on the sleepy little town of Eastbourne. Despite the protestations of both the Eastbourne City Council and the Residents, this scheme was pushed through to become a reality about a week ago. Now I could go on about all the inconveniences the scheme has brought to both the shop owners and workers in the town centre and the sudden drop in business that many small high street shops have been subject to since the scheme came into effect but I feel that as this matter has been sufficiently addressed over the past few months with no sensible result, I would rather stick to my own 'inconvenience'.

So . . . pass the soapbox please!

Several months ago the Jayne family moved into their own little bit of Heaven - a 1/9th share of a converted church to be exact. This church is in a RESIDENTIAL part of Eastbourne Town Centre - on the Street that The Council Forgot. When we moved in here about four months ago, we made a special trip to the local council to purchase a resident's parking permit that would allow us to park on the road outside our new home, only to be told that we didn't need to worry since the new parking scheme didn't affect our street. I suppose we should have been more suspicious at the time but, being a bit ignorant of local laws, we accepted what we were told and have been parking outside our new home in ignorant bliss ever since.

Hah! The very first day of the new rules and we got a parking ticket! As did EVERY single car in the street! Shock was soon followed by indignation. A quick check of the Council's web site showed an interesting state of affairs - our street is just outside their new parking area. It still carries a '2 hour, no return 2 hours' parking restriction and The Council refuses to sell us resident's parking permits because (wait for it) we don't fall into the new area. So far, despite several emails and even a direct visit to their offices, they seem unable to tell me where I can obtain such an item. In fact, they really don't care one iota for my troubles!

So I, and all the other street residents, are now left with one of two options. Either we park illegally and run the risk of £30 parking tickets or we rush out every two hours and move our cars to another street, only to return to our own one two hours later! Does no-one else see the ridiculousness of this situation? If we lived just one street over we'd be eligible for a permit!

Right now I feel very discriminated against! Is it yet another case of "all being equal, just some more so than others" or simple stupidity?

Bah Humbug!

The Mouse in my Garden - in technicolour!

Now I have found the photo the Girl Child took of our daily visitor, here he is, for your delight, in FULL TECHNICOLOUR! Enjoy :)

There's a mouse in my garden, a big one for sure!
I saw him tonight as I opened the door.
He looked right at me with eyes bright and bold,
As he nibbled on bread, thrown out of old.
We nodded politely and seemed to agree,
there was room in the garden for both him and me!

A cat jumped down off the garden fence,
It was large and white and on the offense.
I got quite a shock as it flew right by,
A blur of white that fell from the sky!
It really was the most dreadful sight,
And the mouse leapt up in a terrible fright,
Then the cat rushed forward and banged its head,
As the mouse scurried off and under the shed!

This morning, when I looked out the door,
first I saw one and then saw one more!
And then, as I reached for my tea,
I looked again and now there were three!
What seemed so appealing now seems so no more.
What if tomorrow I find there are FOUR?

This morning I woke with some trepidation,
stumbled downstairs in some hesitation.
As I switched on the kettle, I looked out to see,
only one, thank goodness, not four and not three!
And, if I am honest, I felt rather mean
as he looked right at me, "what, no bread to be seen?"

And then, peering over the roof of the shed,
was that a big, white, furry head?
Ears pricked with intent and whiskers aquiver?
I looked at the mouse and felt myself shiver!
I need not have worried, that's one clever mouse,
As he ran under the shed, I stepped back into the house!

No mouse this morning, I do feel bereft.
I imagine he's cross and so he has left.
He's packed up his bags and gathered his friends,
sadly it seems that here my tale ends!